Recently I had a talk with a close friend of mine and I realized how impactful our words can be to someone without us realizing it and how we really have to be careful of the things that come out of our mouths.
It’s raya season now and that means I’m meeting makciks who really got a lot to say when really, it’s best for the world if they don’t say a thing. I’ve gained a lot of weight and it’s pretty obvious in photos. Even more obvious in real life. And I’ve been feeling even more insecure about it these days. And it doesn’t help that I have people around me who eat sooooo much but don’t gain a single gram at all.
I used to be like them, but not now. God’s probably punishing me for always calling my brothers fat because now Syakir is no longer fat and I’m the fat one.
I hate how I look now and there are days when I just don’t feel like eating because whenever I look at food, I’m reminded of the nasty things that have been said to me about my weight gain.
I just wish sometimes people are more careful with their words because really, you don’t know what’s going on in someone’s life. I’ve been starting to work out at home, go for jogs, purposely walking more instead of taking shorter routes home or taking the stairs instead of the escalator or the lift to shed some weight but I’ve yet to shed any. And let’s not even talk about eating. I haven’t gotten much appetite lately. It’s like I’m forcing myself to eat to survive every single day.
I was honestly slowly accepting the fact that I will not be as skinny as I used to be. (I mean, I used to be that girl who couldn't reach more than 40kg but now I'm putting on weight like crazyyyyy) It only started to affect me when people couldn't stop commenting about my weight gain and how I shouldn't be looking fat because I'm not a mother yet.
On top of all that, I’m also dealing with comments that people have been giving me whenever they ask who I’m dating and I share with them about S.
My boyfriend is smart and well, me... it’s hard to say. I would like to think I’m not dumb, but I’m not smart either. I don’t know what am I honestly. Whenever people got to know what S is doing now, they give me vibes and comments like “he’s smart but why did he choose to date someone dumb like you” and sigh many times I feel like he deserves a much smarter person than me.
I'm thankful that S is someone who doesn’t care about wealth and grades. But all those words still hurt me. From what I see so far, to him, doing well in school and work is his responsibility as a student and an employee. And this is something I admire about him. So this year I’ve been trying my best to be a responsible student which I’m still not sure if the results will show but I really hope and pray they do.
I just wish we all will be more careful with what we say to others in future.
If that couple is married for years and still has not gotten any kids, don’t say anything nasty. You never know if they’ve been trying for years for a kid but God has yet to grant them any. By saying nasty things to them, you’re just making them more depressed than they already are.
If a person loses or gains weight, don’t comment about how much better they’ll look if they’ll gain or lose weight. Fat-shaming and skinny-shaming is just a NO-NO. Instead, ask them nicely if they’ve been feeling happy in their daily lives and if they’ve been eating right. I'm definitely guilty of this sigh ☹️
If a Muslim girl is not wearing a hijab, don’t label them as less religious than the ones who do. You never know if she’s struggling trying to fulfil her duties as a Muslim. She may have just given up wearing shorts and tank tops recently and dress a little more covered than what she usually wore, for all you know.
The list goes on. But you get me right?
If you’ve got nothing nice to say, then 🤫
More importantly, at the end of the day, we all gotta learn to love ourselves more.
