what's good 2019

Already 16 days into the new year.

GOSH.

2018 was a bitter sweet year for me. I hated all the pain I had to go through last year. I honestly still do feel it but it's more bearable now. Especially with the support of my family and my amazing friends.

My cheongsam photo made it to my best nine photos of the year! That cheongsam is just collecting dust right now. S has been bugging me to wear it to meet his family during CNY but hmmm I don't know if that'll be too much. I mean even Chinese ladies nowadays don't wear cheongsams and then this Malay girl wanna go all out and wear it?

S also made it to my top nine. Gosh, he's taking over my social media without even being exposed. I'm honestly still trying to let the whole "I'm now in a relationship" status sink into myself. I've dated here and there but this time, it's just so different... many times I feel like sharing it out but I think now's not the time yet. Being single for a long time makes me forget sometimes that I'm no longer single. It's not that S is a bad boyfriend, in fact he's been nothing but amazing. It's me, I have some memory loss problem that I really need to fix.

So for 2019.

I hope to be less lazy, start working out more often, be a better Muslim and be a better person as a whole. 

ended 2018 with love

2019, already?

Oh God, where did all the time flies...

I have been blogging on this space for the longest time ever. If you've been following my journey here, you could probably guess who is still part of my life and who isn't. All the new relationships I made with people and also those I cut ties with. You would also know all the crazy things that can only happen to me because I'm the weirdest human being alive. 

Some people have said to me that I put my whole life on social media and as much as I wanna deny it, I guess there's some truths to that. One thing for sure, this blog is the place I share THE MOST because I feel like I can be myself here. 

And for that, I would like to share that...

I ended 2018 with love.

So let me introduce him as S. 

S for what? S for Sayang? S for Secret? I don't know. You can decide.

It was hard for me to find someone who could convince me enough that he deserves exposure on my social media. This one kinda managed to do so. And yes, I know it's not a full exposure. Maybe he'll get a full exposure if we ended up marrying each other. Till then, let's keep it all a mystery. 

People have been asking me how did it all happen. Well, I don't have an answer to that honestly. It just did. We both didn't even try to flirt with each other or anything... at least I didn't. I don't know about him. But I don't think he did. Because if he did, I would say try harder baby ❤️

We're both totally different.

• I hate fruits and vegetables; he loves them. 
• I share almost everything about my life on social media; he doesn't. 
• I'm short... well it's pretty obvious that he's tall. 
• He's smart like really REALLY smart and he denies it but I can assure you that I'm not lying on this. And I'm not anywhere as smart as he is.
• He's such a nerd and obviously I'm the cool one in this relationship. I'm not even THAT cool. Syakir would totally laugh at me for this. 
• I'm a Muslim, and he's not. But I do hope one day, Allah SWT opens his heart to accept Islam wholeheartedly and may we both guide each other to heaven. 

And the list goes on.

Dear S,

I don't know if you're the one for me and I'm the one for you. I just hope we will be able to get through all good and bad times together with patience and respect for each other. Because I do feel like you're someone I want to settle down with. But if we don't work out, I'm thankful enough for your presence in my life at this moment. On another note, please be patient because you're dealing with an emotionally unstable, slightly crazy, always late and clingy girlfriend. I know it is still too early to be hoping but I really do hope you will open your heart willingly to accept my religion as yours one day. Also, please stop playing dota and sudoku so much. Channel your attention to me instead HAHA

Love,

Your girlfriend.

But what's more important and heartbreaking to me right now...

My Mama's boy liked this post.

He approved of our relationship.

And that also means... I got no chance to marry him now 😭