young at heart

Exams are finally over, so DJ it's time to put the music back on and party away!

I haven't been updating much the past few days because well, I was busy trying to end my finals well. With that, I mean... actually studying super duper hard for my final paper. Finally now, I have time to update what I have been up to.

Last Sunday I went to my JC's schoolmate's wedding. Can you believe it? My friends are slowly settling down, getting their life geared up for the future. Here I am, still unsure of what I should do in future. It worries me so much right now.

Amira and Bani

Amira and I go way back to end of J1, when we were together as roommates during MLEP trip in Indonesia. You see, I'm not close to any Malays in JC. So during this trip, when we had to choose who to sleep with, it was a little tricky for me. But I'm so glad up to this very day, I had gotten to know Nana and Amira.

I felt sick, like super sick. Up to the point, I vomitted some black stuff out (I would like to think it's just because of some charcoal tablets I had been eating days before that!) and trust me, it was so gross. But this girl right here, she continued to take care of me and saying prayers to me the whole time I felt so in pain. Days after that, I got well, super well. The moment I touched down, I was just screaming for good steak.

I went to the wedding with my 13yo cousin, Sabrina. Her other younger siblings were crying and throwing tantrums at home when Cik Ita (basically, their mum) decided to only allow her to accompany me to the wedding.

It felt great to have people who yearns for my time and company and actually felt sad when they didn't get to go out with me. Seriously, anyone who wanna date me, you got a lot to do to impress me. 😂

So anyway, I'm just so happy for Amira. I hope all of you pray for her happiness, especially now she has jumped into the marriage life. She's really... a sweet nice girl. Congratulations Amira, may Allah SWT bless you with all the good things in life!

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Right after exams yesterday, I went back home from Pasir Ris to Yewtee. I was contemplating whether I should take cab all the way to Yewtee from Cik Ita's place but I told myself not to succumb to taxis all the time (seriously whoever invented Grab and Uber, you just added more problems in my #firstworldproblems list) so I decided to take public transport home with my huge luggage and bags filled with notes.

I boarded the bus and when it reached the station at the MRT, I gave up and just took cab home because I couldn't take it with the luggage and bags and the heat. It rained the moment I reached home. What luck!

I went to meet the upper secondary mentors to celebrate the end of finals! Not that I really deserve it, but heck. 

Fuad and Kashib

Had a great dinner session at Manhattan Fish Market, also a great discussion. 

We were discussing about genders and sexuality and I found out that apparently in Islam, you can be gay or lesbian but you just cannot "layankan" the fact that you're one. By that, I mean practising those forbidden acts. Also if you're gay or lesbian, you cannot marry even if it's marrying the opposite sex because that's like cheating your partner. 

Well, this is according to them. If you're reading this and you know more, please share it with me. I would like to learn more about this topic and how Islam works around it.

Funny thing was, when I paid at the cashier, the cashier was umm, a little not so straight. I just went 🌚  because I was just thinking of how loud we were, trying to convey our views on homosexuality.

Right after dinner, we rushed to NUS to catch a Hindi movie together. It's free, all thanks to Rhea. The movie is gooooooood, like seriously you have to watch it. It's not your typical love story. It's about being human. And, you will definitely fall in love with Kashmir because I did. That place really got to be in my travel list.

We had supper and a good short talk with Hazwani as well right after that. So much dramas to catch up on!

Oh and while on the way home, Kashib and I had a good talk about losing weight. We both are at our heaviest! So we had this bet, whoever loses lesser weight, in a months' time, will have to treat the other one. So far, the progress for this bet ain't going that well! I'm in a deep shit.

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And today, I finally spent time with Daya. That girl missed me too much, oh what do I do~

We had brunch at Beanstro and I ordered a good plate of Chicken Pomodoro. Finished it up in less than 30 minutes. #somuchfordiet

Right after that, we went to ArtScience Museum for the Future World: Where Art Meets Science and Van Cleef & Arpels: The Art and Science of Gems exhibitions. #soartsyfartsy

My art pieces for the day

We spent a good 40 minutes colouring using crayons, and deciding the colours and which templates to choose. But we had really fun talking and... just colouring like little kids. Well, before that we spent a good 5 minutes playing with the slides. Really, we are kids stuck in adult's bodies.

My house on the exhibition screen

Me trying to get a good angle for my photos

All about Shapes

For this one, I had to stack up the right shapes to make it look like a diamond or some gem stone. I was so happy doing this, and really Daya couldn't understand why. Is it the nerd in me? I guess so.

And we folded this, with a lot of effort. Well I did the pink one, it was more tricky than the blue one, I feel.

To end our time together, we had a good tea session at TWG before I headed to tuition and she headed back home. 

I'm just seriously enjoying life as it is.

Thank you Allah SWT for everyone that has entered my life and, for everything.

holla, runaway agency

I'm sitting for my paper later (in less than 2 hours, pray for me) and god I am so unprepared. I did only one past year paper and boy that was also with the help of the answer guide. I don't know how I will survive later but really, the thoughts of running away from everything here are at the back of my mind.

You know, those times you question yourself for making yourself go through this whole university struggle... Yes I'm having them. Whoever said university is easy, well I don't know about you, but I surely feel cheated now.

But yeah, isn't it cool to run away... probably to a different country? You know, waking up to the sound of birds chirping and the first thing you see in the morning is the view of mountains. Living the village life, maybe it ain't that bad.

And up till today, why aren't there any agency that I know of that actually offers services to prepare people to run away? Not illegally, but legally. Like you know, running away from your parents because you know they will kill you the moment they see your results.

Yes I'm thinking of running away at this point of time. Like drop everything here and run away... but nah gotta cancel this idea because I'm such a scaredy cat. I still need my parents. So now, I gotta just prepare myself to answer to them for my shitty results.

Yes, I'm anticipating really shit results but I'm still praying for a miracle.

Make it, or make it

Time check: 1:09 a.m.

I have a 2-hour paper coming up at 10 a.m. later and oh boy I'm still up blogging (well, I'm supposed to be busy mugging but clearly, I'm giving up) so please pray that I can conquer that paper later. I'm really really really not ready at all for this year's exam. I thought last year's exam was the most "not-ready" exam I sat in my entire life, well I thought wrong. This year is crazier.

I just finished eating a bowl of Maggi, and I'm about to start on a past year paper. Did 4 past year papers and I still don't get it... "why do the questions take up about 10 words per sentence but the answers take up more than 4 pages each?" And no, I was not writing nonsense. I checked the answers given, and really the answers matched.

There are still a few modules I have yet to touch. And guess, when are the papers? In a few days. Yes, that deserves bold italic and underline altogether. Because boy, I'm about to perform a miracle. *blows my nails*

I got to make it, or really... just make it to next year. Please pray for my results. Pray for me.

Yes, I know I have been asking for prayers in almost every single post. Well, what else can I ask for? I'm only human. That sounded a little sadder than I thought it would.

Alright, before this post turns out crappier, let's end it here.

#prayformyresults

#prayforme

Time check: 1:22 a.m.

ibu mama mommy emak umi mother

Happy Mother's Day 💓

best maid award

Before anything, I just wanna say...

Dad finally turned 49!

The family celebrated his birthday the evening I had my first paper for Finals. Now that I'm in the east, it's quite a hassle for me to travel just for his birthday. So, yeah. I had to give the celebration a miss. But hey, I still love you Dad no matter what.

Jemput-jemput, the only banana thing I'll eat

Living at Cik Ita's place means I'm gaining weight exponentially. My aunt has a maid and really, her current maid deserves the Best Maid Award. I've grown up getting to know a lot of maids, especially my aunts' maids. Their family, their childhood, their past work experiences... everything I got to know just by chatting with them.

One time, I even got to know of this maid, Bibik Mar, and got really close with her through one of my holiday trips with my grandparents. I was really sad when she left because she's really another good maid. I still call her once in a while to see if she's doing well back in Indonesia. Well, so far so good. She's married with a kid now. Arranged marriage, sort of. She got married to her brother's best friend who had always had a crush on her and probably tried to steal some looks whenever he dropped by. She showed me his passport photo before and really, he's quite good looking. I need to go and visit her soon to check on her child.

A good maid is to me, a maid who really does her job well. 

Makes sure the tasks given are all done. 

Not easily distracted by guys. Really this is so important, because I came across so many maids who started having affairs to the point they got pregnant, some of these maids are even married and their husbands are back in their hometown.

Honest. So many times I came across maids who stole things from their employers, my family was a victim before.

As of now, my aunt's current maid ticks all the boxes. 

I'm a pretty messy person. After studying at night, I'll just leave my stuff and sleep. I don't bother cleaning them up. But she never fails to clean them up for me every single time. My aunt is also pretty strict with maids using their handphones. But this current maid who I calls Bibik, always make sure all the things she need to do is done... then she will use her phone. I really like it when I hear her talking to her kids. They sound really adorable and from their voices, you can really hear how much they miss her.

The past few days I also make it a point to wake up early because Bibik will never eat before me. She makes it a point for me to eat before her because I'm just like one of the employers. Really made me speechless. A few days ago, I woke up at 1 p.m. and I found out she had not eaten so I forced her to eat with me.

I really hope time slows down, because really... I don't wanna say goodbye to Bibik. I don't know when else will I ever meet someone so nice like her 😪

Oh and Daya sent this to me, guess someone is missing me a little too much.

Samsung vs Apple

I'm a huge fan of Apple. 

I've been using the iPhone for 6 years now, went through the few generations of iPhone. Started from the iPhone 3GS to now, the iPhone 6S. Now, I'm also using my MacBook Air most of the time. I put my Acer laptop in the cupboard, and yes it has been collecting all the dust ever since I got my Macbook Air sent to me all the way from the US. Been through a lot with Apple, I can say.

My family, including most of my cousins and uncles and aunties, are a huge fan of Samsung. Some of my friends are huge fans of Samsung. The best way that I can think of to describe their love for Samsung would be... how much I love Taeyang and how I would stand up for him whenever people diss him, that's how much they love their Samsung gadgets.

Yesterday, my uncle wanted to re-contract his telco plan and he was planning to get the S7 so he asked for my opinions. So I told him that I'm not good with gadgets so I don't really know. My cousins heard our conversation and they were like,

"Samsung is better than iPhone."

"iPhone not good la, Samsung better."

And they started questioning me like, "Kakak why do you use an iPhone?"

I don't know why, but it seems like this is the problem with people who use Samsung. They always tell people who use Apple to stop using them. Rarely, I hear people who use Apple telling people who use Samsung to stop using them. Of course there are those Apple fanatics who would do so. Honestly, I get annoyed sometimes when people tell me that I'm making the wrong choice for using Apple.

Is Apple really that bad? Well, I used Samsung before I started using Apple. I also have a Samsung tab (which I don't even use because I don't really need it, it was given to me for free lol) and I have come to the conclusion that I love Apple more than Samsung.

Do people who use Samsung feel bitter that they're not using Apple so that's why they kept telling me that Samsung is better than Apple?

Samsung offers so many features that I don't even need. I don't need the Beauty cam when there are so many Korean/Chinese apps that offer the same thing. Plus, iPhone's camera is pretty good. Just compare those using Samsung and Apple on Snapchat.

Samsung does not have Apple Music which I honestly think need a lot more improvement to be on par with Spotify (kinda regret unsubscribing to it!) but Apple Music is good 'cos they offer more songs than Spotify.

Oh, and most of my Samsung friends have problems with their phones after having them for about 2 years. Either the battery problem, or this on/off restart problem. Just so many problems. Well, I had those problems too, but I would like to say all those were mainly my fault because I have this habit of using my phone right after washing my hands.

I love my iPhone, I love my MacBook. My previous iPhones still function well, I just bought the newer iPhones because I wanted better selfies. (yes, I'm quite vain.) My MacBook has been with me since early 2014, that's pretty long. My previous laptops didn't even last more than 2 years.

So, really. What is so bad about Apple?

meow

My friends (and probably those who follow me on social media) would have known by now that I have kinda gotten over my fear of cats. Please take your time now to give me a standing ovation because really, I deserve it. 😂

Everyone around me knows how much I was so fearful of cats. Really, the fear is real. You can ask those who have gone out with me before and somehow they were fated with a scaredy-cat like me. They probably facepalmed themselves and then questioned themselves like "why did I even agree to go out with someone like her?"

But to those who really, really stood by me throughout all those embarrassing moments, thank you. If I was rich, I would have given all of you a mansion each but oh well, I'm just a girl who's struggling to even sort out her future. 

So, the big question... How did I get over that fear of cats?

Kelly, the most annoying yet cutest Bengal cat ever

For the past few months, I've been giving tuition to Nab's cousins. Just like her, her cousins (basically her whole extended family) are hardcore cat lovers. I even heard stories from her cousins that they have relatives who have more than 10 cats living in their house. I never understood why do people even have cats living in their house when they already has so many people living in there... I mean, don't you need your own space?

But it all changed when this cat here got close to me. It was not easy. The first few weeks I started tutoring... I screamed countless times and at one point of time, I even went up on the coffee table because this cat wanted to touch my feet. I'm sorry, but my feet is reserved for Prince Charming, ya?

My tutees own 3 cats and this one right here is the most brave one. The other cats just get away from me after getting a few screams from me. But this cat, her perseverance to make me fall in love with her deserves more than just an applause.

This cat even put herself on danger. I was eating with my tutee one time and this cat just tried to meleseh with me and I almost stabbed her with the fork I was holding. Thank God she's still alive because if not, I deserve to make a cameo in at least one episode of How to Get Away with Murder. 

After so many trials by Kelly, I succumbed to her cuteness. I touched it, got close to it and just yesterday I even carried it in my arms. My photo album in my phone now will be invaded with photos of cats. I can sense that.

I just hope no more scars from getting scratched by cats.

#prayformyskin

I am not totally over the fear of cats. I am still afraid of stray cats. People take time to open up with each other, just like how I take time to open up with cats. But I am proud to say, I am slowly ticking my wishlist. 

I am officially over the fear of cats.

West to East

I'll be away from Yewtee for about 2 weeks because of exams. Like last year, I decided to stay over at Cik Ita's place all the way in Pasir Ris. It feels like I'm going to travel across the globe whenever I think of travelling there, really.

Lucky for me, I met my two close buddies before I move over to the other side of Singapore.

Aisah enjoying her Vietnamese noodles

(kinda forgot the name of her meal)

It was pretty impromptu last night for Aisah and I. Well, I can safely say 90% of our meet-ups are usually impromptu and we totally love it. Because we can talk about anything, and then just laugh about it.

We had Vietnamese food at So Pho. She texted me right after her exam to have dinner with me. Well, I was also finding someone to have dinner with because Mum didn't cook any of my favourite dishes. (I'm pretty hard to please.)

Grilled Lemongrass Half Spring Chicken Set with iced milk tea for myself

Initially I wanted to buy the other set with lesser chicken but I thought it wouldn't be enough for me. (obviously the devil did his job well) I couldn't finish the rice at the end because the chicken really filled up my tummy. Not too bad, but it tasted a little bit like Thai food. I don't know... maybe I'm just bad with food.

Right now, I just got home from going out with Daya because obviously someone cannot be away from me too long *flicks my hair*

Chicken Pomodoro

We went to Bayfront, our favourite place in Singapore. For me, it's the skyline. I don't know why but I just love looking at our Singapore skyline. Don't you think every place on Earth has their very own special skyline? And you just can never get enough of them.

Anyway we ate at Beanstro and boy, we spent a bomb. Our expenditure on food just kept increasing and really, we need to put a stop on this. Someone really need to hold on to my card.

$6 Hokkaido Special Rich Soft Ice Cream

This ice cream is quite expensive but it was totally worth it because, it's soft ice cream. Come on, soft ice creams are da bomb! Though not as good as like those I ate in Japan, better than nothing. And the weather these days are really really warm! (Stay indoors as much as possible guys!) Having this ice cream in this warm night just made everything better.

Finals start in less than 5 days. I know I should be freaking out because I have so many things not touched and completed. But really, I don't know why I am not freaking out yet... So just continue praying for my results.

Fatty is 15 now!

When I was 7, I didn't even know my mum was pregnant. I thought she was just fat and that every fat lady's tummy had creatures living in them and they can listen to whatever I was talking to them.

Little did I know, I was gonna have another baby brother who obviously ruined the whole girly side of me...

Fast forward to today, that small kid has just turned 15 yesterday and my family decided to celebrate it at WORD Cafe.

Food wise, pretty good for cafe standard. You know how cafes and I rarely have something good going on. I don't know why but I prefer this to Badoque. Maybe because I was really hungry yesterday, or maybe it's just the fact that I was in a good mood yesterday. The portion is just nice for me, as compared to Badoque. But that's not what Syafiq felt.

This was Syafiq's, not fulfilling for him tho.

Maybe you should have an upsized meal for people like my bro.

This was Mum's.

Very creamy, I must say!

This was mine.

Cow-ch Potato, the whole potato "sauce" plus the vege makes it all perfect 😋

This was the birthday boy's meal.

He rushed home from school the moment my dad texted us. Oh, and did I tell you that we finally have a personal family whatsapp group? I've been contemplating to make one for my own family but I guess mothers know best so she made one yesterday. Anyway, he was really happy after eating. I mean, when is he not? 

This was Dad's Salmon Khan meal.

Clearly, we need a mirror check because Dad, Salman Khan and you... worlds apart!

They got my dad's order a little later than us. Most probably they forgot about his order. So when his order came, the ones who were more excited for the meal were Mum and Syafiq. These two always ALWAYS eye on other people's meals. Thank god, we're family so I will always forgive them for doing this.

Churros to end the dinner.

Finished this in less than 5 minutes, no joke.

Since I didn't get anything for my brother, I mean we were never really petty about presents. Giving birthday presents to each other has never been a thing. But singing birthday songs and eating a cake on our birthdays, those are a must!

That cake was meant for him, but he's not a fan of cheesecake. I'm on this phase of cheesecakes, so this is my way to... you know, get that cake for myself but still act like a caring sister hahaha but of course, I'm really a nice sister so I bought Hot Fudge sundae for him and Chocolate Milkshake for Syafiq.

Fatty and I in 2011

I found this yesterday when I wanted to post a photo of us together for his birthday and really, time has passed by way too fast. We used to sleep together, talk about our problems with each other (well mostly, me taking about my girl dramas) and really, I can't believe how much my brothers have grown now. Soon, they're gonna get their own spouses and I'll be crying my heart out because I still see them as babies no matter how old they are. 

But for now, I'm loving how my life is. The only thing I should focus on now is to do better in everything that is going through in my life.

Exam Anxiety, maybe

As usual, the title says it all.

I have been pretty emotional the past few days. I snapped at my family, my friends and just a few days ago, I snapped at some dude who was trying to sell me some insurance policy while I was making my way to the MRT. Sorry, I can get pretty out of hand especially when I'm not happily laughing.

Finals will be starting next week so you know how exams and I... we are just not compatible. 

Bad news, I am not ready for it at all. 

Good news, all this will end soon and can you smell the holidays coming?

Wish me luck everyone. Your prayers are very much needed in this battlefield. 

It happened, again

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Why are you lying to yourself?"

Because sometimes it makes things easier.

"For the strength of the pack is the wolf, and the strength of the wolf is the pack."

"For the strength of the pack is the wolf, and the strength of the wolf is the pack."

- Jungle Book

Upper Sec Mentors - Kashib, Fuad and Rhea

Even though we just got to know each other, but I'm glad over the past few Sundays I have gotten close to a group of friends who are smart and really really humble. They're pretty loud at voicing out their opinions (probably the main reason why two of them are on their way to be lawyers!) but they really care for the society more than anyone I ever know.

Talk to them, get to know them and you will get what I mean.

So anyway, I caught The Jungle Book in the cinema with them. Not the full strength, but it's ok. If you haven't watch it, go watch it! Baloo the bear is my favourite. It's not a horror movie, but I have no idea why I screamed and jumped in my seat a few times while watching this movie. Maybe I am really a scaredy cat. 🌚

Speaking of which, I finally watched Munafik. Every Malay person I know raved about that movie. Telling me it's such a good horror movie, so well I tried to toughen up and finally I watched it yesterday. Surprisingly, I laughed out loud while watching the movie. But when I woke up in the middle of the night after the movie, I couldn't sleep because scenes of the movie kept flashing in my mind whenever I tried to close my eyes. Bad move on a horror movie! No more horror movies, ever.

Yesterday was also a special day for Mas. This year will probably be the last year of her mentoring at Bukit Batok CC, because she's getting married this July. That means it's also the last year for her to celebrate her birthday being single.

Mas and Daya

Marinated Beef Bap w/o Beansprouts and Kimgaru Rice

Daya, Afiq and I decided to treat her to Seoul Garden Hotpot for a birthday lunch. Tried to go for Korean style, but Seoul Garden don't really do it the real Korean style so we made do with what whatever we felt like eating.

It amazes me how she's been dating her fiancé for 7 years and now, they're getting married. Afiq also just celebrated his fifth anniversary with his girlfriend. Like wow, how do you guys do it? I get bored of people easily and I give up on relationships very easily.

We got this while walking around IMM. I was telling Mas that she should approach M1 and inform that they share the same birthdate. Maybe, just maybe... she would get a free line subscription from them. That'll be perfect actually.

Right after lunch, we girls went to shop around while Afiq went home to sleep. We then went to do some manicure session.

All these seem so adult to me. But I enjoy doing them. Like doing your hair at salon, going for spa and massage sessions... I used to not understand why my aunts and my mum love doing them. But now I do. It's like a getaway from the busy life. It screams, "Finally you're taking care of yourself before others."

Daya's nails as well as mine

Daya's nails that screams Kylie Jenner when you look at it

Daya has been so into this whole Kylie Jenner thing. I went for a more pinkish nude colour for my nails. Guess pink and I has always had a thing, dammit I need to stop.

You know, what's funny... when I got home, I went on snapchat. Guess who went for a manicure session too?

Maybe DJ Khaled is my soulmate 🌚😂

If he really lost weight through his 22 days of nutrition or whatever losing weight challenge he's having now, I'll try to go vegan for a week. That's pretty long for me.

Of course, I'm kidding. Chicken and I, we are love.

have a break, have a kitkat

So today I decided to take a break from studying which shouldn't be the way because finals is in less than 3 weeks. (God save me, really!) But whatever it is, I need to get my mugging game strong ASAP.

I started today pretty normal, just like how I usually do with other days. I just decided not to study today, because I really didn't have the mood and I don't know why I'm feeling more tired than usual. Guess my menses are coming pretty sooooooon!

Shrimp and Spinach Stuffed Crust Pizza

Daya got her pay today and she decided to treat me for dinner. I don't know why I'm so blessed with such good friends when I haven't been doing good job as one. Time to up my game 💪🏻  Her birthday's next month... So give me some suggestions on what I should do for her birthday!

The pizza is good. I'm loving pineapples more than I thought I would. According to her, maybe I finally discovered that I like cooked pineapples but I'm not sure either. Because when my mum or Nenek cooks any lauk with pineapples in them, I won't eat them. She was pretty surprised that people use pineapples to cook lauk.

Sometimes I wonder if it's just my family who came up with such weird and unique dishes, or does this happen in every family?

Me, artistically drawn by Fatty

I came home from dinner at Lot 1 and Fatty excitedly got up from his study desk to welcome me at the door.

Fatty: Kakak, I have something to show you!

Me: Oh really, what is it?

Fatty: I drew you for my Art lesson just now. But I'm still pretty bad at it.

I was honestly expecting a good drawing of me. Just probably, with some minor touch-ups here and there. And when he showed me this, I just went... "Oh wow! How does this look like me?" with a calm face while faking a smile, obviously.

He kept going on about how bad he is at drawing portraits and he's thinking of ways to tackle this problem, like probably focus on drawing other things but humans. This is where I realize Art is pretty flexible. It makes you discover things you have yet to discover. I've never been much of an Arts person. The only Arts thing I did was probably Malay dance, watching drama performances and musicals, also take part in some of them... and probably studying Malay literature till JC.

Still, A for effort for my Fatty! He really gotta fix those lips tho. I don't remember having Kylie Jenner lips. Oh, and that body proportion... Did I really gain so much weight that now my body's pretty much not proportionate? Dammit, need to start working out again. But those legs, they look much slimmer so thank you for that!

Also, spot my new wallet! It's white. Let's hope it stays as white as this till someone gets for me a new wallet!

All from Aussie 🇦🇺

Nenek is back from Melbourne after a month! A month passed by way faster than ever. It seems like just yesterday I blogged about her flying off to Melbourne. She bought so many supplements for all of us, and a little generous on me with the pants. 4 pairs of pants for me, guess she can't stand the fact that I'm always wearing the same old pants to sleep even though they're all pretty much worn out.

Now, I think I should sleep soon because someone's gonna wake up in a few hours' time to start storytelling me non-stop on her one month stay in Aussie! (Well, she already started doing so just now. But someone claims to be feeling jet lag so she'll continue later sheesh 🙄)

Sleep tight 🌙

Dumb?

Sometimes I don't know if you're dumb because really, are you that gullible? It's pretty obvious he's making excuses. He wants money, you give it. He wants this, you give him this. He wants that, you give him that. When will you realize that he is just using you? It pisses me off.

And now he wants to take over something that he's not even paying for. He doesn't have any sense of initiative. He doesn't have any sense of guilt, any sense of responsibility... He sees you like an ATM machine.

When will you ever realize that? Really, wake up already.

Farewell Minzy

5 April.

Stay strong my fellow Blackjacks. 💕

One day, I hope 2NE1 will come back for a reunion and all the fans attend the concert with their kids while screaming at the top of their lungs, reminiscing the good old times.

lady of the mist, dream dancer

You know when you were in your teens, so in love with someone and just can't stop talking about it?

Yesterday right after MAEC session, I had a great lunch session with Daya, Kashib and his girlfriend. Oops, as well as Fatty. We were talking about a lot of things, like really a lot. I mean, everyone knows how much I can talk. I'm hella talkative.

Meet Syahirah, Kashib's girlfriend.

While talking, we actually found out that we were both liked by the same guy. How small can the world be? It's pretty shocking for the both of us. Because the person who liked us... He was pretty known by many. Right after the lunch session, I couldn't help it but to find out how he's doing now. And that brought me back to my Secondary 4 days.

Basically, Syahirah and I experienced a similar situation.

At one point of time in your life, you're bound to be so in love with someone. Well, lucky for me, someone from my secondary school was so in love with me. I would like to believe so... or maybe he was just pretty obsessed. But wait, before anything, I would like to say I have to applaud him for being really in love with a girl like me... because really, I am still waiting for the day someone really loves me and hopefully did not freak me out like this dude did. 

At 16, how would you react if someone wrote this for you?

This guy right here confessed to me when I was in Sec 4. Even though we barely talked, probably once... up till today, I don't understand how he could be so in love with me. I'm really the worst girl anyone can ever fall in love with, in my opinion.

He even made a poem out of my name.

He really deserves an award.

Well, he's quite a memory.

I remembered when he confessed me, everyone was mocking us. But really... up till today, I don't understand why people teased me for the fact that he really liked me. Even my "close" friends teased me. 

I would be lying if I said it didn't affect much. Because it did. When he walked pass my class, and though I felt pretty creeped out, I still don't understand why the boys in my class laughed at me and shouted my name. Like really, it's pretty childish. What's worst is, when my "close" friends did it as well. I mean, really? You guys knew I didn't like him. But it's also my fault for not telling them how much I hated whatever they were doing.

He even dreamt of me.

Which guy dreams of me now? Probably none.

He even noticed when I gained weight.

Everyone around me were always telling me that I looked fine. I didn't gain any weight, I looked "as usual". Well you guys probably notice it but just didn't have the heart to tell me about my weight gain. But this dude, damn I was trying to run away from him but he just noticed the changes on myself back then.

And when I received my O level results, he even noticed me.

I didn't realize I have a dimple on my right cheek until now.

Was it really that hard to get over a heartless person like me?

This was him trying really hard to get over me.

Even tried calling me a bitch but it didn't work.

Is this what they say... reverse psychology?

Up till today, I don't know how much that short encounter with him made him fell for me really hard. He did so many things, too many for me to list down... I'm just posting those that I saw on his facebook. Yes I kinda stalked him, and no it's not because I finally open up to him but because I feel both of us and all of the girls he ever loved didn't deserve all those mocks we got from others. So I hope through this post, if someone who ever mocked us reads this post, apologize to him and all the other girls who cried because of what you did.

And, this is from me to him.

Dear boy,

People find you creepy, and yes I have to admit you were creeping me out. But you. You showed me that people can be so in love with me. All the other boys teased you. But that's because they're being superficial. If it was the coolest kid in school or the most good-looking guy... they won't say a thing. But because you're not blessed like them, you were mocked. One thing you should be proud of is that you learnt to embrace your flaws unlike me. I hope one day a girl will learn to appreciate the way you show your love... through those poems and songs. Because I couldn't. 

Just a point to note. Don't be too pushy. By pushy, I mean... don't seek help from other people. Do it all by yourself. Because I know you can.

From, your dream dancer.

To those who found joy in mocking us and didn't feel guilty:

All he did was to fall in love. And falling in love is not wrong.

The true losers were all of you who were no different from bullies.