cherish every second

*gulp*

I’m turning 25 in a couple of hours.  

Younger me was already planning to settle down by this age but hahahaha who am I kidding... I barely make it thru every month tryna support my own life.


A few days ago I had a talk with S. Yes, we’re still together even though I rarely post much about him. People have been asking me why I refuse to expose him on social media. Well, one, I just like it to be this way. Second, S hates taking photos and videos. Even when he agrees to take photos with me, his faces are like 😙🤪🤨🥴 while I look like I’m ever so ready to get our photos taken. It’s like sometimes I feel I’m dating a 5yo boy stuck in a grown up man’s body. And no, it’s not because I think he looks ugly or handsome to the point I don’t wanna share with the world. This boy I’m dating really hates taking photos and videos. We even had a fight because of this and I cried hahahahaha #whatsnew #crybaby 


So anyway yeah we had a talk a few days ago and I cried, again. I’ve always hated talking about deaths. I don’t deal well when it comes to people falling sick and deaths. I’m also scared of death because I know I’m not ready to face God and how I have to be accountable for all my sins. 


But S is different. Well maybe because he grew up not believing in any religion. He talks about deaths like it’s nothing. Just part and parcel of life. Well it actually is, but the way he deals with it... sometimes I wish I can let go of things as easily.  


I have issues. I don’t know how to show how I feel very well. If you think I act like I care too much, then I really do... in fact multiply that by 1000 or a million. That’s how much I really care and feel. Because most times I try to keep it to myself to not freak people out.  


I remember crying my heart out when SHINEE Jonghyun passed away. I was not even a fan, but that short encounter with him at You Are Special cafe affected me so much when I got news of his death. I still do cry on some nights when I miss my grandparents who have passed on. And it doesn’t help when I realize that they ensure we, the younger ones, are not burdened by their deaths and instead, continue to make life easier for us after they’re gone.  


Many times I wish I don’t feel so much emotions about so many things because I feel like an emotional mess. But I guess that’s why I’m also fated to meet people who are more calm when it comes to their feelings, as compared to me. 


Also, time is limited. We never know when we bid goodbye to this world. Till then, we need to cherish every second we have in this world with our loved ones by our side. 

And this photo serves as a good reminder.

This world we're living in is indeed temporary.

Heaven, that's the real goal. ❤️