Black Friday sales got everyone crazy last weekend and I tried to stop myself from purchasing anything. I really did try to control myself. Honestly, this year I have been sooooo good at controlling myself from spending money so recklessly. But I succumbed to the temptation, probably from the Shopping Devil ugh
Say hello to my new study chair!
I have been trying to find a new study chair for myself ever since my old one broke and I has to use the dinner table's chair to study. I went to so many different places and so many different sites before I decided on this one.
How do I feel about this chair? Well I'm sitting on this chair while typing this post out and I can already feel like I can take over the world. This is my best purchase for the year, more like my only splurge for the year so far.
A month to 2019. Will I splurge all my money in December? Stay tuned to find out. I mean, I should never underestimate myself when it comes to shopping.
I'm currently in Stats class and ugh this class is soooooo boring. So here I am, blogging.
It's November now. 2 more months and we're gonna be in 2019. It's crazy how fast time flies.
But what's crazier right now is climate change. Scientists have been saying that we have to start making changes in our daily activities to save the world. Latest by 2020. If not, the world will be destroyed in 2030. Tell me that's the scariest thing ever right now. I mean, can you imagine if Earth is no longer habitable by 2030? Where am I gonna live? I definitely can't afford living anywhere else but Earth as of this moment.
So right now, I'm gonna try to make some changes in my life and I hope it becomes a habit as soon as possible.
Bring my own water bottle.
I have this habit of buying mineral water bottles whenever I'm out. Only Evian water bottles because some mineral water brands have this weird aftertaste. So now, I'm trying my best to just reuse whatever water bottles I have, until I finally can find the BEST water bottle that suits me. Let's hope I don't get lazy and refill those bottles.
Drink without a straw.
I know the hype now is having your own metal straw but I just don't feel as comfortable using metal straws. There is a difference. I know many can't relate so now, I'm just planning to not use straws at all. Go all coffee shop style even while at a high end cafe. Let's see if I can pull it off.
These changes seem soooo easy but not for me. I'm the laziest person anyone can ever think of. Even going for this boring class is tiring me out already. I'm starting to fall asleep.
Thank God tomorrow's a public holiday. A break for me. Not that I deserve it.
I just came back from dinner with someone I used to be close with.
Back in 2014/2015, I was that fit girl. Not a gym freak, but I exercised regularly. I lost so much weight that I gained thanks to A levels, but now I have gained even more than the weight I lost the other time. I did go to the gym. And if you're on my social media long enough, you'll know about #sailorboy. I will do one whole post about him one day, just not today.
Anyway it's been quite some time since that whole gym/fit phase. I no longer go to the gym because I'm just too shy to bring myself to the gym alone, and it doesn't help now that people who stay near me and I'm comfortable with... are just not into public gyms. I ain't spending a bomb just for gym memberships.
So I had dinner with this teacher I met in the gym years ago. I call him Cikgu because he's a real secondary school teacher. It was great reminiscing how life was much easier for me back then. He still goes to the gym, but the people I got to know from the gym and the people I went to the gym with no longer go to the gym now. I guess gym was really a phase for all of us, except him.
I wish one day, I'll discover the thing that I'm most passionate about to the point I'll grow old doing it. Maybe, I've discovered it. I love eating. Dammit, I'm really on my way to be that old and fat lady. God save me.
I have many bad habits. Some of which have costed me tangibly and some, intangibly. Some thankfully... have yet to cost me anything. Hah.
And hours ago, my bad habit is about to cost me a bomb. #prayformeplease
I've been delaying my tuition fee payment till the very last minute (read: just now) and technology had to fail me at that very crucial moment while I was about to pay. I have emailed the school and I am really hoping and praying that they won't charge me for late payment.
In this case, there's no one to blame but me, for LEAVING IT TILL THE VERY LAST MINUTE.
My brain is also not helping very much because nowadays I realize things slip off my mind so much more easily. Tell me, this does not come with age, right?
It's going to be the end of September and I have yet to even draft a post for this space. THIS IS CRAZY.
Work and school definitely kept me way too occupied. I am definitely feeling guilty of not having enough time for people I love, and sadly, to myself as well. I used to think that people who truly love you will always find time for you no matter how busy they are. But now that I'm hella busy all the time, all I can say is that... you have not reached the REAL peak of busy if you can still find time for others.
I have been telling myself for months to get a haircut, plan my outfit for an upcoming event, go to Sephora to stock up this and that... and honestly, I haven't found time to do any of them. I'm also slowly finding myself to be a little happier whenever people cancel on me because that just means I have time to rest. I know I shouldn't but hahaha I barely can find time to just laze on my bed, sleep in till noon and I'm honestly missing those days when I can just lay in bed and not worry a single thing. My body is really screaming to me to rest, no kidding.
I'm just hoping that this workaholic Syafiqah will continue to be as driven and crazy till I'm financially stable to retire.
WHY AM I ALREADY THINKING OF RETIREMENT 🙃
And let me end this post cutely, here's a photo of me and Mozart. 😽
I'm feeling numb. But there's still some guilt left in me, no doubt.
Many times I felt like killing myself before this, but I didn't. And I know, this time too, the thought of doing it will hopefully go away. Life is too precious and I should not take it for granted.
All I'm asking is for some prayers for a better me, a better future.
I really hope I'll be able to move on from this phase. This guilt, and everything that I'm facing ugh no one will ever understand unless you're going through what I'm going through. But it's ok. God knows best what I'm going through and I'm trusting in His plans.
Still, I need prayers to get me through. So if you're reading this, please keep me in your prayers. I need it most, especially now.
I'm done with the second cycle of the Chinese Zodiac.
Wait, is that even right?
I haven't gotten the mood to blog these days. As much as I wanna say I've been busy, I know that's just an excuse because really, I'm not at my busiest. But I'll still blog about me turning 24, just like how I've been doing for the past few years HAHA
I didn't really have any plans on my birthday and I was glad that Asyraf was free on that day to spend his whole day and night with me HAHA
I actually teared a bit after we parted ways because... after all the times I push people away, they're still there for me. God really loves me.
Many thought we had something on, and I used to always be loud over why can't guys and girls just hang out as the best of friends and people understand that?! But I can't blame these people. Maybe God just blessed me with really nice guy friends who go the extra mile for me despite having their own girlfriends.
This girl right here also goes the extra mile for me. Well, at least I think so.
She's always in her cave but that's ok. At least we both will just go out whenever we feel like it. But last Monday I managed to force her out for a long walk and play the playground. She was breathless. #mysuperunfitfriend #saveherplease
And this year, I found someone with the same birthday as me.
May you continue to be better than you are now.
Dear Self,
You've been through a lot and may whatever that has happened shape you into a better person. Everything will be fine. Always trust in God's plans. Always keep Allah SWT close to you. You're nowhere near what you thought you would be. But that's okay. That's what makes you YOU. May you be blessed with wealth, love and health. May you continue to love and be loved.
Love, Yourself.
All I need now is prayers. Prayers for my future. 🙏🏼
I have so many things I wanna write in this blog because I'm scared one day, I'll forget about the things that have happened in my life. But... ugh I'm just too lazy to sit down and write them all out in a post.
It's almost a year since Korea happened. And I still can't help it but to call that place my second home. Clearly, tak sedar diri.
But thanks to last year's Korea trip, I met so many lovely friends. Not only from Singapore, but also those from other countries. And I'm glad that the friendships forged got even closer after my trip.
Natalie is one of them. And it sucks that she lives all the way in Hong Kong. So far away from me. 😭
Today is her birthday so since I couldn't fly all the way to Hong Kong because firstly, your girl right here is on a saving mode. Secondly, raya is in a few days. So if I fly out around this time, I can forget about coming home and still be part of the family.
I decided to send some goodies from Singapore. More like... all the Malay food. Bringing Raya from Singapore to Hong Kong.
I've said my piece to her all in that card. And let's keep it that way.
But one thing for sure...
Happy birthday and love you all the way from Singapore to Hong Kong 💕
By now, I guess everyone knows that Aisah is married. She just had to choose May, the month when I'm at my busiest. Thank God she's my best friend because if she was not, I would have to give it a miss in helping her or even, her boyfriend husband.
Few months before the wedding, I texted him if he has proposed to her. The boy didn't find it necessary. Oh boys... I need to write a book on how to treat a girl right to guide you guys.
So since Razzali didn't have any plans for a proposal, I came out with a plan for him.
I chose Marina Barrage for the view. It rained on that day, and since I couldn't think of anywhere else, we still proceeded with the plan.
Everyone was staring at me while I was setting everything up. Honestly, I felt like covering my face a paper bag while setting everything up. But I told myself, heyyyy they probably would not ever see me again so let's just do it. Let's pray hard I will really not see any of them ever again.
The candles kept going off because of the wind. The clouds were dark and there was no shelter so the first time I tried setting up, it rained and I had to run to the car with Syafiq... so while I was trying to set everything up for the second time, I couldn't stop praying for the rain to stop. God heard my prayers alhamdulillah and most importantly, she said yes to Razzali.
Leading up to the wedding, it got even busier especially with the wedding trays. So I tried to help as much as I could.
I don't know how do bridesmaids maintain looking good all day err day. I tried playing the role of a bridesmaid but I looked like a mess. Sweating like crazy, running here and there trying to get things into place.
But all's good, I guess. Despite all the mess that happened, these two made it to the halal title.
May these two lovebirds always be in love till Jannah. 💕
Also, happy 24th birthday to this one!
She's been my pillar of strength the past few months, or maybe years. And I hope we both continue to be friends even when in Jannah... because I wanna be downing shots with her there. 😂
I've been contemplating whether to blog about this. I do not wish to hurt anyone's feelings anymore, and I'm blogging about this just so that I will never forget whatever happened before this and to always take every mistake I've made as a learning stone.
I'm bad with relationships. Not just the "lover" kind of relationships, but friendships too. Most of the time, the relationships ended not because of the other party's faults... it's always because of my own shortcomings as a friend and as a lover.
I push many people away, especially men who treated me well and friends who were nothing but amazing. In fact, I'm not surprised if God is probably punishing me right now for always hurting the people who have been nice towards me all along.
Everyone knew about us. We were like Jay Park and Chacha Malone, like G-Dragon and Taeyang, like Hang Tuah and Hang Jebat. The best of friends, sisters from different set of parents.
But things have changed now. We're on different routes in life. We tried our best to resolve matters as nicely as possible. Sadly, we didn't end it well.
Too many hurtful remarks came from both sides. At this age, I honestly did not expect that to happen. I thought I was matured and strong enough to handle the situation but I clearly wasn't. It sucks even more when people who were not part of this argument got involved but some things were beyond my control.
For months, this heart of mine yearned for a proper nice closure with this friendship because I cherish this friendship so much and I'm sure she does too. But as time passes by, I realized we do not always get what we want. God knows better. And maybe without a proper nice closure, things get better.
I do not blame her in this argument. I blame me. I know I could have treated her better as a friend. I could have texted her more, called her even more regularly, asked her out more than she asked me out. I could have been there for her more than I did.
The mean things she said to me, I take them as constructive feedback. Don't worry I said mean things to her too. I ain't no angel.
I've said thanks to her for the things she has done for our friendship, and I don't think I can ever thank her enough. From being there for me when I was feeling low because I just lost a loved one to all the happy times we had together that's too long to be listed, thank you and I can never thank you enough.
To her loved ones, both future and current ones, treat her well. I wish nothing but the best of her. Make sure she doesn't get near dusty areas, that triggers her sinus. She doesn't like onions, so make sure you get pick them out of her plates. I would love to list many more... but I'll leave it to you to get to know her more yourself. Pay attention to her likes and dislikes. More importantly, make her feel more loved than ever because I failed to make her feel that way.
To my loved ones, there are no walls around this heart for you to break down. This heart is too soft. It's filled with so many scars right now. It'll take some time to appreciate your love and care. And this person right here is just so bad at showing how much she cares and appreciates your love. Please guide me. Please be patient with me and thank you for loving and caring me.
Dalam perjalanan banyak persimpangan
Di mana kita bertukar arah
Kau lurus ke kiri
Aku tegak ke kanan
Dimana kita tersilap langkah
Kadangkala waktu berhenti
Ku toleh ke sisi
Engkau tiada disampingku
Tapi lebih seringkali
Bertemu dalam mimpi
Semuka dengan sahabatku
To a stronger self, to a more successful self, to a better version of myself. 💕
I feel emotionally, mentally, physically drained. Even crying out loud does not make me feel any much better, like it usually does.
Is this why people end their lives? I'm scared of death. Scared to face the Almighty. One is never fully prepared to meet for death but I just hope when it's time for me to meet the Almighty, I'm kinda ready. You know, like 80% ready.... like I can kinda get an A for a test.
For now, I just want to be a better me as a whole. Is that too much to ask for?
Well, let's just work hard so that Future Syafiqah will thank this Present Syafiqah.
How time flies huhhhh my little brother is not so little anymore. He's now a totally different person, especially now that he's busy with college.
As much as I'm always complaining about how he's so busy with school and friends now, I can't help but be happy for him. For all the times he looked out for me, he deserves nothing but happiness in this world and hereafter.
It's his birthday today, and we're all too busy with work and school that we got no time to be celebrating birthdays now. It's craaaaaaazy, but hey we gotta hustle to get some hasil. I wanted to cook for him but he's on this healthy diet phase so I guess the birthday present gotta wait for another day then...
May you be stronger, happier, richer, and most importantly, a better Muslim.
Too many things have been going on in my life and I am really finding it hard to breathe while trying to get things together, just like how I envision them. Finals, wedding, tuition... I haven't been able to find time for myself. I honestly don't feel like a human at all right now.
Ok I shall not complain. When I had a lot of free time, I wanted to keep myself occupied. And now that I'm kinda over-occupied, yes I miss those less stressful, less busy days but I know they're coming soon.
Just hoping that I will have the strength to get through all these. 🙏🏼
Every single time I see something funny, I wanna record that moment on video. This all started out thanks to Snapchat. Even though I kinda abandoned you for Instagram stories now, you're still my first love and that is special. Whenever I wanna be a busybody and find out more about people's lives, mainly my favourite celebrities, I will go on Instagram. There are times I feel like getting things out of my head, I tweet it. Facebook is the place I see all the amazing information people share. But Twitter is still the place I'm getting the latest news, and memes and.... basically my favourite social media platform.
I've had many thoughts of going off social media. I questioned myself like why do I share this and that to the world, why do I need to tweet this, why do I need to Instagram this.... blah blah the list goes on. I deleted, archived and privatised so many things on my social media because I hated how stupid I had posted some stuff up before this.
But I know, if I ever go off from it, I'll get bored and even more emotionally unstable because I'm bored. I'll also lose out on a lot of information. I mean, the only news I'm reading now is when I scroll through my timeline and Channel NewsAsia comes up.
So this year I hope I can use social media as a platform for me to be a better version of myself. To use it for me to get useful information that can benefit my future.... and to be less harsh on myself and share some stuff out of fun and memories' sake.
Weeks ago, I told Xiuqi that she should invite me to her place for CNY and I would be there in a cheongsam. She thought I was kidding. Obviously not. I was dead serious about it. Even more serious about it the moment she texted me about making a CNY gathering.
It was soooooooo hard to find a cheongsam. Most of the cheongsam selling these days are the modern twist ones. They're basically normal dresses with the mandarin collar. So I made my way all the way to Chinatown to search for a real traditional one.
BUT OH GOD. I now truly understand why my Chinese girl friends are no longer wearing cheongsams during CNY. The one you see me wearing is already one of the larger ones. I would like to think I'm not THAT large. I have tried way too many cheongsams that are either too tight on the chest area or I can't even fit into one at all, thanks to my hips.
The moment I found one that I could fit... I bought it right away. Not thinking much.
Chun Li Style
This was the look that my friends wanted me to go for. I think I need to find new friends.
Kidding. I love them. My crazy fishballs.
We all have been too busy talking about school and how we're gaining weight at a very alarming rate. I'm just glad yesterday happened.
We stopped talking about school for a while and eat all we want. And then after a good 20 minutes of arguing on which movie to watch on Netflix, we settled on Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging.
A perfect way to end the night. Chick flick movies always bring you back to the wonderful secondary school days. I can't believe I thought the things I did when I was 14 was "cool" back then? Even now, I'm not any much cooler. But heck. Let's just wing this whole life. 💸
May this year be MY year. 🐶
More wealth, better grades and overall happiness. 💓
Life has been better than I expected it would be at this point of time. Exams are coming and yeah, you can say I'm not so ready but I'm more ready if you were to compare me with the Old Syafiqah.
People have been asking me, texting me on what I've been up to lately. Honestly, nothing. Well.... except for studying and eating A LOT. My weight gain is becoming more obvious than ever. My double chin is coming out... I'm just a fat blob now guys. 😭
The bunch I've been hanging out with.
Yup, there it is. That double chin. And I've been going on a no makeup look for quite some time now. I watched a video about makeup one day and all the bad things that come with it so now, I'm trying to be more confident without it. Hopefully one day, I can be like Alicia Keys and rock that whole no makeup look! Oh, and that's also our faces at 9 p.m. while in lecture.
Xiuqi is now finally up from her nap and instead of studying, we're both basically lazing around; me blogging while she's watching her anime.
We've been hanging out a lot, thanks to school. I can't thank God enough for her presence in my life, especially since the past few months. And thanks to that, we're becoming way too clingy now... trying to push each other to study but ugh it has honestly been hard.
It's gonna be hard and it will get harder from here.
But let's do this!
Amirah and I at Taeyang's "White Night" World Tour in Singapore
Recently Taeyang got married. Gosh! I am sooooo happy for him.
I admit I was one of those fans who weren't THAT happy when I found out he has a girlfriend. Cant help it, I was in denial. I thought I could marry him, no kidding. CLEARLY I OVERESTIMATED MYSELF.
But honestly now, I'm glad Taeyang and Min Hyorin got married. They looked so perfect for each other and soooo in love with each other. Check out all the updates on their wedding and you'll get what I mean.
"He may not be the one for you, but just know, God is preparing someone better for you in future."
I am holding on to this for now since all the guys I'm attracted to always turn out to be taken. What luck, I know!
If there's one thing I love about 2018, it's the fact that it started on Monday. I felt right. I felt like I'm gonna get my life right and everything would be neater from then on. I am even more happier now because January seems longer than it usually is since we have 5 weeks of January. It's like God heard my prayers whenever I begged for time to slow down.
Right now, I feel like I should update a little bit of what I've been up to because your girl right here has been procrastinating when it comes to updating this space.
I've been spending a lot of time in the library and I'm planning to spend even more time in the library this year. Let's see how long this will last because I'm slowly feeling so drained but I know I just have to keep going. I'm also really glad to have met amazing friends in school. I feel like I need to give them a proper introduction in this blog soon. For now, just know that they have been nothing but God-sent individuals in my life.
I also found my new favourite eating place, Isuramuya.
I've been watching a looooooot of Baek Jong Won's shows and I've been craving and enjoying Japanese food a lot. I'm even more determined now to save my own money and go for a trip to Japan soon.
I also have spent a lot of time with Aisah. We both are having a hard time and I hope we both get through this dark phase soon.
Nurin Insyirah
When I got back from Korea, I've been blessed with so many good news. This little gem is somehow one of them. So far so good, she's been a nice baby. Easy to be with. Aunty Syafiqah already loves you for that! 😂 May you grow up to be a great Muslimah little girl!
I don't know when else I will update this space, but let's hope it'll be some time soon.
I've been trying to get myself off the Internet as much as possible. Tho I'm not doing well on that, I'm trying my best. I missed those times when social media is something we do out of fun. Nowadays people read too much into what we post online, especially on Instagram. This is why Dean's song Instagram is so relatable. I've cleared a few of my posts on Instagram and maybe I will clear more in future. We shall see.
But me being away from Instagram means.... I'm on Twitter even more now. Dammit.
I can't sleep right now so I thought it's best to blog right now because when else can I find a better timing to do this. 💁🏻
After scrolling through my social media accounts, I realised currently there's this trend where people search for their name up on urban dictionary. Of course, your girl right here wanted to join in the fun and searched her name.
Does this sound like me? 😂
I would like to believe that this describes me perfectly, but after showing this to Veda just now, she disagrees with the part where I am supposedly a shy person 😒
If you haven't tried searching your name up on urban dictionary, go do it and maybe... surprise yourself.
