merlion me

Recently I met up with Hazwani after such a long time to catch up and well, nothing much has changed. We're still as chatty as ever. Still as crazy over oppas as ever. Clearly, having a boyfriend now has not changed the fangirl in me 😂

Sadly, older us are now struggling with weight issues. (But we both met up to eat kbbq HAHA) My weight has been on a yoyo lately because of my health. This month of July alone I fell sick every single week. In fact, last night itself I had a puking session like the Merlion. I'm trying to be more careful with what I eat now... my tummy is really sensitive now. Not sure if I lost water weight or something so far, but hahaha there's still a lot more for this girl to lose before I get back my old weight.

In months to come, I hope I'll be able to lose more weight, earn more money and hear some good news for my results. Please pray for me and my results 🙏🏼

a stronger self

We all have our own issues that we have to deal with. 

Some people struggle to find a job, some struggle to get married, some struggle to graduate, some struggle with their mental health, some struggle to get their dream house. Oh the list goes on...

One thing for sure, what we need is a stronger self. The world will not wait for us to catch up. The world moves forward with time. And sadly, the world we're currently living in is not as nice as we wish it to be.

And for that, I pray that we will all be a stronger version of ourselves to get through our challenges.

To a stronger self and a better future. 🤲🏼

quarter of a century old

I'm officially 25.

Quarter of a century old, as what Veda said to me.

This year, I didn't do much on my birthday for someone who places so much importance on birthdays. 

Spent time reflecting on how I've been living my life and how I'm planning to continue to live my life. To be honest, I still haven't really figure it out. One thing for sure is that I just want myself to be stronger than I already am to face life and everything ugly that comes with it. I mean, at the end of the day, we all want to live a life with no regrets.

I had tuition and spent the evening with Aisah till late. Honestly, I wanted to spend time with S but he's way too busy with work. We had an argument the night before because of this, but don't worry we have resolved it. And of course, thank God for amazing friends who have been by my side. I've been having this issue about S being busy with his work and it affected me emotionally but because of my friends who have been advising me and filling in the gap for S, I guess you could say that I'm dealing with it easier now.

I'm also trying to blog more instead of getting angry at him for not replying or spending time with me. However, right now I'm just blogging because I can't sleep. He didn't wish me good night yet, but I think he accidentally fell asleep anyway 😅

On another note, I can't wait for Aisah to get her house so we can chill at her place and spend more time together. She has stopped working now so that means more time for us to be together.

Dear Self,

Life is a learning journey. It's tiring but never stop learning. Never stop seeking knowledge. Believe in God's plans and keep Allah SWT as close to you as possible. Work hard to get to heaven and do not be obsessed with this temporary world. Continue putting in your utmost effort in fulfilling your responsibility as a daughter, a student and most importantly, a Muslim. May you always be blessed with happiness, love, wealth and always in the pink of health.

Love, yourself.

May life gets better from here for me and my loved ones ❤️

cherish every second

*gulp*

I’m turning 25 in a couple of hours.  

Younger me was already planning to settle down by this age but hahahaha who am I kidding... I barely make it thru every month tryna support my own life.


A few days ago I had a talk with S. Yes, we’re still together even though I rarely post much about him. People have been asking me why I refuse to expose him on social media. Well, one, I just like it to be this way. Second, S hates taking photos and videos. Even when he agrees to take photos with me, his faces are like 😙🤪🤨🥴 while I look like I’m ever so ready to get our photos taken. It’s like sometimes I feel I’m dating a 5yo boy stuck in a grown up man’s body. And no, it’s not because I think he looks ugly or handsome to the point I don’t wanna share with the world. This boy I’m dating really hates taking photos and videos. We even had a fight because of this and I cried hahahahaha #whatsnew #crybaby 


So anyway yeah we had a talk a few days ago and I cried, again. I’ve always hated talking about deaths. I don’t deal well when it comes to people falling sick and deaths. I’m also scared of death because I know I’m not ready to face God and how I have to be accountable for all my sins. 


But S is different. Well maybe because he grew up not believing in any religion. He talks about deaths like it’s nothing. Just part and parcel of life. Well it actually is, but the way he deals with it... sometimes I wish I can let go of things as easily.  


I have issues. I don’t know how to show how I feel very well. If you think I act like I care too much, then I really do... in fact multiply that by 1000 or a million. That’s how much I really care and feel. Because most times I try to keep it to myself to not freak people out.  


I remember crying my heart out when SHINEE Jonghyun passed away. I was not even a fan, but that short encounter with him at You Are Special cafe affected me so much when I got news of his death. I still do cry on some nights when I miss my grandparents who have passed on. And it doesn’t help when I realize that they ensure we, the younger ones, are not burdened by their deaths and instead, continue to make life easier for us after they’re gone.  


Many times I wish I don’t feel so much emotions about so many things because I feel like an emotional mess. But I guess that’s why I’m also fated to meet people who are more calm when it comes to their feelings, as compared to me. 


Also, time is limited. We never know when we bid goodbye to this world. Till then, we need to cherish every second we have in this world with our loved ones by our side. 

And this photo serves as a good reminder.

This world we're living in is indeed temporary.

Heaven, that's the real goal. ❤️