keep holding on

Sometimes I ask myself...

Why does my heart still hold on to people who do not care about you?

Why am I so strong yet so weak at the same time?

Recently I kept seeing people from my past in my dreams. Secondary school friends that I drifted away from, JC friends I used to be so close with, uni friends I used to hang out with, Daya and her family and her friends who then became my friends too, S' mum and many more.

Maybe I'm missing them a little more than usual lately. Life's truly fragile, you see.

Tbh, I am at fault for ending most of these relationships. I miss them. Very much do. But to pluck up the courage to ask for a relationship again from them, at this point of time, I do not have the energy to do so. 

I do not blame anyone at all for cutting ties with me. So now, I only keep them close in my prayers because my heart still holds them close to me... I mean, they are the reason I am where I am today. I know because of my mental state, I'm not easy to deal with. So it is only fair for them to leave before they lose themselves. 

It's been a crazy journey. I hope they are all doing well in life.

Dear Self, keep holding on 🤍

the universe vs us

Right now, I'm feeling a little more calm than usual, but still worried at the same time. And thinking about the future makes me feel so uneasy and anxious so I've been trying my best not to get too crazy in my own thoughts.

Took time to meet my SENSE girls and it makes me so happy to see all of them in a good place right now. Azreena's pregnant with her first kid, Aisah's on her second child now... these girls are busy producing babies for the future labour market HAHAHA Zarifah is busy being a radiologist at a private hospital while being the most supportive girlfriend to a super shy boy! 

I also finally got my lazy self to Gardens By The Bay. Ok this place is really special. Two guys ever asked me to be his girlfriend here. One, a fail. The other, a success HAHAHA so this place is kinda special. Future boy, please take note 😂

I gotta thank Chuping and Alvin for that trip tho. If it weren't for them, I wouldn't making an effort to explore Singapore like a tourist!

And this is another bunch I've been busy spending time with!

For the longest time, I have been wanting to kayak, hike, rock climbing etc. with friends. You know those fun activities we ever did during secondary school... yeah I wanna do them! So finally, I managed to drag this bunch to kayak together.

Last Wednesday we made our way to Macritchie to kayak but the weather was just not on our side. We only managed to kayak for 5 minutes and then the lightning alert came on. So we did what we usually do. Eat and slack our day away~

Since we could not get a refund, they told us to come back within 30 days and gosh, it was a struggle for us four! It was so hard to find a date that will be okay for all of us because of our periods! But we decided to take a gamble and try it again today!

We didn't kayak much... we were pretty much just lying on the kayak and laughing at each other.

Really had the best of times with this bunch!

While the universe is going against us doing anything healthy, I hope we will grow old together and still be laughing as much as we are now.

The universe vs Us 🤍