After such a long time, I finally had a long h2h conversation with the boy a few nights ago. 🥰
For 2 people who are very different from each other, it's amazing we're still together now. It's not all fairytales for sure. We've had some downs and we're still trying our best to progress in this relationship. So recently, I came out with a schedule for dating time, talk time all that.
Not just in my relationship with S, I have also set aside some time every week for friends time, alone time, study time, work time, family time... hopefully I'll stick to the schedule well 🙏🏼
So that night, we talked about childbirth and death.
I'm at the age where my friends are starting their families and recently I had a talk with a group of friends on this issue.
If the doctor asks you, the husband, to choose between saving your child and your wife, who would you choose?
Some of my friends said they would choose to save the wife and some, surprisingly, chose the child. I got all defensive at first because I felt saving the wife is more important since you can always make a baby again. But a friend told me it's not as easy as it sounds. Because after losing a child, most women would not be able to recover mentally from it and eventually, how do you make another baby again when you fear of losing another baby and probably still have thoughts of your baby who died?
So I asked S, which one would he choose if he was put in that position?
I mean if I'm gonna marry this dude, we have to be on the same wavelength. I know dying during childbirth is considered mati syahid and you'll be guaranteed a place in heaven. But I was secretly hoping he would answer that he would choose his wife. And thankfully, he answered just that. (He's probably afraid I'll turn into a pontianak and haunt him at night or something if he chose his child over me 👻)
But our discussion on this topic did not just end here. Along the way, I realized that I had been emphasizing on the woman's mental health after losing a kid. He pointed out that men too could be mentally unsound from losing either one.
I rarely hear issues regarding men's mental health and it dawned upon me that maybe men are afraid to speak up about this. Probably because men need to appear strong in the eyes of society. That's why you rarely hear about men being abused in relationships and so on.
To which I asked him, "Do you think you're being abused in this relationship?" or something along those lines... and then I went on to google on the criteria of an abusive relationship. And well, let's just say, it was great going through the list together so we get ourselves in check.
