I'm bad with relationships. Not just the "lover" kind of relationships, but friendships too. Most of the time, the relationships ended not because of the other party's faults... it's always because of my own shortcomings as a friend and as a lover.
I push many people away, especially men who treated me well and friends who were nothing but amazing. In fact, I'm not surprised if God is probably punishing me right now for always hurting the people who have been nice towards me all along.
Everyone knew about us. We were like Jay Park and Chacha Malone, like G-Dragon and Taeyang, like Hang Tuah and Hang Jebat. The best of friends, sisters from different set of parents.
But things have changed now. We're on different routes in life. We tried our best to resolve matters as nicely as possible. Sadly, we didn't end it well.
Too many hurtful remarks came from both sides. At this age, I honestly did not expect that to happen. I thought I was matured and strong enough to handle the situation but I clearly wasn't. It sucks even more when people who were not part of this argument got involved but some things were beyond my control.
For months, this heart of mine yearned for a proper nice closure with this friendship because I cherish this friendship so much and I'm sure she does too. But as time passes by, I realized we do not always get what we want. God knows better. And maybe without a proper nice closure, things get better.
I do not blame her in this argument. I blame me. I know I could have treated her better as a friend. I could have texted her more, called her even more regularly, asked her out more than she asked me out. I could have been there for her more than I did.
The mean things she said to me, I take them as constructive feedback. Don't worry I said mean things to her too. I ain't no angel.
I've said thanks to her for the things she has done for our friendship, and I don't think I can ever thank her enough. From being there for me when I was feeling low because I just lost a loved one to all the happy times we had together that's too long to be listed, thank you and I can never thank you enough.
To her loved ones, both future and current ones, treat her well. I wish nothing but the best of her. Make sure she doesn't get near dusty areas, that triggers her sinus. She doesn't like onions, so make sure you get pick them out of her plates. I would love to list many more... but I'll leave it to you to get to know her more yourself. Pay attention to her likes and dislikes. More importantly, make her feel more loved than ever because I failed to make her feel that way.
To my loved ones, there are no walls around this heart for you to break down. This heart is too soft. It's filled with so many scars right now. It'll take some time to appreciate your love and care. And this person right here is just so bad at showing how much she cares and appreciates your love. Please guide me. Please be patient with me and thank you for loving and caring me.
Dalam perjalanan banyak persimpangan
Di mana kita bertukar arah
Kau lurus ke kiri
Aku tegak ke kanan
Dimana kita tersilap langkah
Kadangkala waktu berhenti
Ku toleh ke sisi
Engkau tiada disampingku
Tapi lebih seringkali
Bertemu dalam mimpi
Semuka dengan sahabatku
To a stronger self, to a more successful self, to a better version of myself. 💕